Regardless of how you feel you look, include a picture on your profile. Doing so increases the chance of you getting a response more than anything else. But yea, make sure it's not a picture of your junk sounds obvious, but you'd be surprised at how many people don't follow that rule. I had great success dating online, with a number of relationships and friendships as a result.
The best first emails I got were, in order of importance to me: All the big stuff looking for a serious relationship, location preferences, religion, etc should either be in your profile already, or saved for a later conversation. Your appreciation for Iris Murdoch and architectural details is rather appealing as well. Not to mention your lovely eyes. I'm guessing there's a good chance we might find each other entertaining.
Wait Two Days Minium & Send Another Message
Pay attention to your spelling and grammar. What was key to establishing a rapport with someone was that they wrote to me and indicated that they actually read my ad AND has some affinity for it. If I mentioned a particular film I loved, then a good response would be: That's one of my favorite films, too. Did you like any of P. If you just say "Hi, you sound interesting" then what do I have to respond to?
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If you notice that she mentions a place, a hobby, a certain perspective that you share, then mention it in your initial response and give her something to respond back to you with. And don't open with "do you want to go out sometime. I wanted to know more about someone and see how much they were interested in knowing me before I'd go out with them. The guy that I ended up with did exactly this.
In fact, he wasn't very close to my stated target demographic but because he continued to offer a chance for conversation and interaction by seeming genuinely interested in me and telling me some very specific things about himself that I could relate to, I was interested in meeting him. And so we met and a year later got engaged.
I'm a gay man. It may be a bit different etiquette wise, but we do a lot of online dating. I just send a "Hey there, how's it going? They're not judging you on your message anyway, it's just a way to get them to look at your profile. If they like what they see there, they'll get back to you. The best way to open an email to a stranger is a compliment in the subject line so she will definitely open it and a question about one of her interests, hobbies, or photos inside the body of the email.
Anything you have in common, remark on; "We both love pugs! Make it short and sweet; if you email back and forth three times successfully, call her and speak to her on the phone. If the phone call goes well, meet for coffee. That's the short and sweet of it right there. Make the coffee date for a time where, if things go well, you can carry on to the movies, dinner, a drink, or other activity or on a day like a Thursday, so you have the weekend together if it goes well, or a Sunday, so if it doesn't go well, you have the rest of the week to look for other potential dates.
Do NOT make your emails generic; always reference specifics about the lady in question so she knows you're not a spammer or serial e-mailer.
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- 11 Online Dating First Message Examples That Get Responses.
- 11 Online Dating First Message Examples That Get Responses;
A few articles you may find helpful: What the first email reveals Send a standout email What makes an irresistible email posted by Unicorn on the cob at As a woman who did a lot of online dating and is about to married to a man she met online, I'd have to say that that's the worst thing you could have opened with to me. Well as I said I've never had to shatter the ice via the internet, let alone a letter of some sort. But in my defense I said it was obviously to short and needed filler.
When I confront people in real life, I always open with something witty like"hey, want to buy me a drink? It's never serious, just a jump start for a conversation. I've used various approaches with success: Short but to the point I've sent entire emails that consist of "Drink? Target something specific that you like in her profile. That is, if she mentions a book or film or something that you've got a similar opinion on, send an email like, "Hi--just noticed that you're also a fan of The Dying Animal, which happens to be my favorite book.
Online Dating: How to Write the First Message or Email
What did you like best about it. Please take a swing by my profile and if you like what you read, get back to me and we'll take it from there. My best advice is to make sure you ask a question in your email. That is, give her something to write you back about. I can't count the number of emails I've gotten on the personals where the person just tells me about themselves or what they think of my profile but they don't actually say anything that I can comment on so all that does is put the ball in my court to come up with a break the ice letter of my own and unless your profile is stellar, that's probably not gonna happen.
I'd like to respectfully disagree with the first answerer: It almost certainly leads to no good on a first date. I cannot begin to emphasize the necessity of spell and grammar checking your email. Also, it's not a bad bit of habit to write a draft, get away from it for an hour or so and then come back and read it again. And don't take it personally if the woman doesn't reply. Oops, that should be "What did you like best about it? I met my boyfriend of over 3 years on OkCupid.
When I was doing the online dating thing, I tended to immediately reject e-mails that were: For obvious reasons or perhaps not so obvious?
First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs
Some online daters seem to have a hard time with that. Humor always helps, as does politeness.
Oh, and this isn't directly related to your Q but I agree with just about everything above. You don't have to worry about whether your participles are dangling heh ; writing like you did in your question is fine. Too long and you run the risk of looking clingy or creepy. Too short and you'll come across as lazy and generic.
Try not to use the most obvious conversation starter in her profile e. Including a specific but open-ended question is a good way to get a response. Most guys do this. Just about anything else is better. If she has a photo up and you're messaging her, it's pretty much a given that you find her attractive. If she's conventionally attractive, it's been in every single other email she's received. If she's not as conventionally attractive, she may be worried that you won't find her as attractive if you meet in person and you might not.
Some compliments are fine, but be more interested in her personality than her looks. You mention that you're interested in a relationship and "settling down" -- if you find the right person, that will happen eventually anyway. If you talk too much about your goals for a relationship, you might come across as desperate.
2nd Email Sample and Template | Smart Internet Dating
I'd recommend developing a rapport before suggesting an actual date. There's nothing less attractive than a guy whining on his blog about how no one ever responds to his emails. I'm going to respectfully disagree with awesomebrad. It seems to me that his suggestions match how men prefer to interact online, which is obviously fine if you're a gay man, less good if you're heterosexual.
I'm a straight man, I've spent a fair bit of time on online dating sites, and the impression I get from women on those sites is that the following, as posted by minervous , are good approaches 1 well-written and grammatically correct; 2 clearly written to me, responding to my profile; 3 funny, witty or thoughtful, and; 4 brief. Penis photos I've seen many many women explicitly ask not to receive these 2. One sentence messages "Hi, wanna meet up? Messages that show you clearly haven't read their profile, or that are obviously being cut and pasted to dozens of women.
Get used to disappointment. There are usually more men than women on these sites, and a lot of men are messaging a lot of women. Your message is one of many, and statistically will probably be ignored. I personally got my best results from women contacting me, not vice versa.